In one of my early grad school classes, we had a conversation and some readings on parasocial relationships… mostly one-sided relationships you “build” with people that you watch on tv, listen to on the radio, or subscribe to their podcasts. We think we know these people. Maybe at some point we met them, but our real “relationship” is surface level. We might know their favorite athlete or actor, but have no idea what their spouse’s name is. We may know all about them, but they don’t actually know we exist.

(My grandmother had a very strong parasocial connection to the Augusta, Georgia NBC affiliate morning show hosts. She would tell me all about them when I visited, as though she knew them.)

Social media is a little different than local television celebrities. You can have interchanges and discussions, but the reality is that these are also incomplete. You can’t get to know someone fully through a series of short posts, comments or reactions. Especially for people with heavily curated and crafted feeds. Look, it’s hard enough to get to really know a person when you meet them in person. Getting to know someone online is even harder. And yet, we often fall into the trap of making broad assumptions based on what we can see through a pixel-sized knothole in a digital walled garden.

I try not to fall into that trap. Sure, I decide whether I want to continue to follow them. Do I want to let them into my feed. Do I want to interact with this person? And like with in person relationships, my opinion of someone can change over time. I’ve definitely followed people only to find out later that they aren’t aligned with my interests. I’ve followed people who I agree with politically and whose work I largely admire, but their social media feed is so unhinged, that I have to unfollow them. But I don’t ever believe I know someone simply based on their social media presence. It’s just a type of quasi-parasocial relationship.

Bob Wertz is a type designer, Ph.D. student and researcher living in Columbia, South Carolina. He’s been blogging since 2008.